krybeli's Xanga

And that's what it means to pierce the Heavens.

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 07:48:16 GMT

I'm ready to leave this place now - for real this time. I love it, and it will always be home to me, but one can't stay at home forever - especially out of fear of the unknown. Though that's not what tying me here, and I don't believe in the basis of fear anyways. I'll admit I am tied back by something, though; tethered to this place by something I'm not willing to let go of. Not so much Omaha itself, or even the U.S. in general really, but the civilized world, the Western hemisphere..hell, the planet. Of course I feel strong connections to other people: my parents and family, my friends on some level (though admittedly not so much the friends in recent times, having deemed most of them less than truly trustworthy - but that's a story for another day), and of course my birthplace and home for the past 22 years, along with all the experiences that tie my past to this place. But again, the past is the past, and I'm ready to move on now. For some months now I've felt it, stronger every day until I'm downright antsy to quit wasting time and get on with the rest of my life.
As for the afore-mentioned singular element apart from all the others - the one that ties me to the world still in several ways - well, I know all the saying and unspoken rules about a man not throwing one's life away for a woman -- though silly as that sounds, there's some truth to it, as most things. In any case, it is what it is and I it matters little at this point whether or not this feeling was ever my conscious choice; instead, it is in fact a defined decision in my mind and I'm well aware of it. Thus, I'll act accordingly and do what I must(to the best of my ability and control) to take hold of this new part of my life, nurture it, and appreciate it. I'll love, perfect, and die with this element if I have my way - and I always get my way, mind you. This is certainly no exception, as I'll not take any substitute.
While I'm known to be a critical thinker who bases his serious idiologies in solid facts and even cold hard reality, I also strongly believe in clearly understanding out what one feels is best in their soul, so to speak, and doing what they can to shift their Fate in that direction if it's truly what they want. I see this as the only way to live my life, and would much rather die trying than live any other way. I see too much weakness, too much restraint in the people around me - mostly based in fear of the unknown and fear of change/new things - which is ridiculous to me, though I understand it to an extent.
Lead by example, not with words alone. I'll take this dream, and I'll have it by the end. This I promise myself. I doubt not, even if I falter, even against impossible odds, that I'll obtain that which I truly believe in. There's really no other way to utilize this life I've been given.

I am the student:

Sat, 21 Feb 2009 18:07:21 GMT

I am a fly achieved upon corked wall, pin in my back, thousand-and-one eyes lifeless and hungering.

I think I just gave myself an erection.

In a city such as thisssssss

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 05:31:47 GMT

I fear I'm not as fun, cool, or artistic as I used to be a few years ago. It's like all this mandatory arte-raep is pulling the sound of my emotions around me into a single point of searing hot white light and resulting in little more than sheer rage, despite my original motives and/or good intentions. The sound of emotion enough to make me wanna hang myself from the rafter that's over my bed, but when I try to climb the ladder that's embedded in my heart, I start to question all of the emotion in my head. The sound of emotion enough to make me wanna hang myself from the rafter that's over my bed, but when I try to climb the ladder that's embedded in my heart, I start to question all of the emotion in my head. The sound of emotion enough to make me wanna hang myself from the rafter that's over my bed, but when I try to climb the ladder that's embedded in my heart, I start to question all of the emotion in my head. The sound of emotion enough to make me wanna hang myself from the rafter that's over my bed, but when I try to climb the ladder that's embedded in my heart, I start to question all of the emotion in my head. The sound of emotion enough to make me wanna hang myself from the rafter that's over my bed, but when I try to climb the ladder that's embedded in my heart, I start to question all of the emotion in my head. The sound of emotion enough to make me wanna hang myself from the rafter that's over my bed, but when I try to climb the ladder that's embedded in my heart, I start to question all of the emotion in my head. The sound of emotion enough to make me wanna hang myself from the rafter that's over my bed, but when I try to climb the ladder that's embedded in my heart, I start to question all of the emotion in my head. It's like I never left home in the first place.

Avatar: The Last Airbender Finale Review: FUCK YES.

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 13:05:07 GMT

Well Well Well...it's 9:56am, and I just finished watching what was possibly the greatest cartoon series of all time. Having downloaded the 2-hour series finale of Avatar: The Last Airbender after it was aired Saturday Night, I just now got around to watching it. :D Oh man, what a fucking great series..it was virtually flawless, packed with adventure, drama, even some romance and comedy. The characters are fantastically likable and the storyline is LEGENDARY-style awesome - I mean, can you believe it, a great American-made cartoon that aired on Nickelodeon of all things and -actually- had a great ending!? Holy shit, and it was FOUR seasons long! A CARTOON with a good storyline! On NICKEL-FUCKING-ODEON!? You've gotta be kidding me, I haven't felt this pleased with something I got done with since Final Fantasy VII's ending cinema faded out before my twelve-year-old eyes and changed my life, if only in small ways. All I could say was "Wow..what a great game." All I could say as the ending credits of Avatar rolled was "Wow, what a great cartoon...wait, what?" Ahh, I love it. I love life. Such simple and meaningful pleasures I get from a cartoon series, who'd have thunk? I didn't even know cartoon series could be that philosophical and clever, downright smart and educational, even, My God. Shows what I know..I have to go re-think my entire series now, seriously. How could anyone EVER top that? I can only hope...oh well, time to go waste more time now. Sleep is for losers.

And I still love you all. If you haven't seen Avatar, GO WATCH IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Watch it so hard. Forever. You'll never ever regret a single episode watched, I personally promise you. Now do it. :D
Muah~ <39473985749037

Matt's LoA Vacation 2008

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 19:00:12 GMT

Woot, my fifth day in Omaha, Nebraska, and I'm having a fastistico time! :D Nothing but hanging out with friends so far, sleeping in late and doing anything but work, hahah. I effing LOVE it and I feel amazing after all this play for once. MAN I needed this vacation! Feels so good to just dick around and not have 30 things in the back of your head like "when's that paper due again?" "Am I gonna be able to get all that done on time??" "How the hell do you make this part!?" etc etc etc - but all that's on the back burner for a month and a week. For now, my vacation is 5 days in and super-fun already: I've been to the Olde Market, the Zoo(and that new cool butterfly exhibit where they fly all around you and whatnot), hung out at three friend's houses, and slept in and stayed up late several times - all things I'm not to accustomed to pulling off in the middle of unyielding classes in FL. Phew, what fun...oh, and my sister, Layla, gave birth to her second nipper yesterday [a girl, Madison..the name is growing on me already. :D], so congratulations to her and I'll have to somehow make it up to the hospital soon to see the little goober-covered pink bundle of joy. :D
But that's all for now..I forgot to take down everyone's number and give out my own at the last second back in FL when I stil had an etherweb connection like I meant to, so I had t hike up to the library with my laptop in tote to get signal and leave everyone emails and IMs to complete my Slowmaha socialization. Ahh, this vacation is so bad-ass I can barely handle it...thanks, Temporary Leave of Absence.
All work and no play makes Matt a dull boy.

~Loves~

P.S. - Number's still 312-0493 if you need some love and we're overdue for some hardcore hangage. :D

4:04 am

Thu, 22 May 2008 07:08:21 GMT

I just finished watching Death Note...God it was good. An anime with a decent ending? Unheard of after Bebop...and now that I think of it (without giving anything away like some people.), it's ending was srangely reminiscent of Bebop..everyone surely sees it coming as well. Anyhow, good stuff..well, time for bed, then. Class in 4 hours. *sigh*
Stay well.

I have a gift for you.

Fri, 09 May 2008 04:14:36 GMT

Things not working out. What does it mean to you, and why?: An essay by Matthew T. McKee.
.....no, not really, but that's today's bitchy/whiny session.

Laying awake at Night, unable to sleep, half heart-broken and half in love, all Night, uncomfortable and less than sad. Unable to accept, unwilling to care enough to be unhappy. Just kidding - all random lies.

But as it turns out, the next three weeks of my life are going to be a complete and utter waste of my time and money and patience. Communications class - where you learn to fill out resumes and lie to your interviewer and what not to say during an interview. This reminds me of English classes past 4th grade then they're somehow still teaching kids how to use "to, too, & two" and "there, they're, and their" correctly...and I fuck you not, I've had this taught in two different colleges as I lay sobbing at my desk, having lost what little faith in humanity I'd left.
Second class, where the entire class gets together to collaborate on a huge animation using totally foreign programs for the first time. I was excited at first, but two days in I was devastated to realize I would be doing no animating whatsoever..even the main actions are mocapped for us..having learned this, I lazed away the rest of the day drawing during lab and lecture alike, and no one seemed to notice or care. Unfortunately, I've decided to do nothing more than piss-poor work for the remainder of both classes (not that you'd be able to tell in either one , anyways.) and instead focus on my personal projects a month earlier than I'd expected (taking a 2-month leave of absence from school starting next month.) so I don't die of boredom. No, seriously..I'm not throwing around figures of speech here..I might actually (at least indirectly) die of boredom if I don't carry out these meager plans, having stabbed myself to death with my mechanical pencil halfway through a lab whose work I don't care about whatsoever anymore. Besides, when I get back from the leave of absence, I'll be with a different class - a better class, hopefully. I think just about any class would top the montage of losers I'm stuck with right now.
Also, I'm waging a war with a retarded roommate right now because he consciously fucked up, so now I'm forced to do horrible things to him on a daily basis, probably for the next month or so. The best kind of revenge is the kind the other person doesn't even discover for months. Patience IS a virtue. :)

Anyhow, I've lightened up thanks to a friend, so it's difficult to bitch further about how the next three weeks are going to be boring beyond imagination and useless besides. That is, again, unless I steer my plans in other directions to retain my insanity. This post is boring even me now..but if nothing else, let me get this single point across - I'm having a bad week. I'm soon to experience a bad month. Being aware of this, I am in full, conscientious awareness of my extreme anger for the next 22 days, and may or may not restrict myself from doing some foolish things, just to sooth my own temper. Hey, as long as I don't get in trouble at school or with the law, I could care less. People are stupid, and beg to be taken advantage of. The name 'Matthew' means Gift of God. :D

Monday, April 21, 2008

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:10:20 GMT

Sometimes I wonder if things are too easy - nothing ever really effects me, like I'm watching my life unfold as if the events of a drawn-out movie. I've never walked out on a movie, though, so I think I'll be alright in the end.
One leg at a time...
I'll work harder tomorrow;
I'm only human, after all.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 14:11:41 GMT

So it took me about half an hour to figure out how to write a new fucking post. Xanga, I hate your new look. I hate it like I hate my childhood.

*ahem* So, what do you do when everything you planned for didn't work out? It's 10am, I'm tired and two plans fell through. I have school at 9am tomorrow, I'm tired but can't sleep, sick of working, and man is my bitching pissing me off already.

*sigh* I just want a break...or at least -some-thing to work out for once. I mean, if life becomes one long string of inconveniences and nothing ever works out, what happens to the hope? Can't live without it, after all..

I can only hope my next post is fall more high-spirited because everything somehow fixed themselves in the end. Woot..

Sorry to disappoint...

Sat, 19 Jan 2008 14:07:46 GMT

It's 10am, and I'm not here to post an inspirational nugget of revelation as I usually intend to, but rather visit my site and post out of nostalgia...*yawn* maybe when I get the net back in a few weeks I'll post more awesome wisdoms whenever they tend to hit me..it's really sad to feel something DEEP IN MAH SOUL, BROTHAS AN' SISTAS, and not be able to blabber on about it to my public but unread journal. Mm, gives me no shivers at all just not thinking about it at all. :)
Nyght, all. Work hard, but enjoy some off-tyme, too. You deserve it.
~LOLipop.~