| | I'm ready to leave this place now - for real this time. I love it, and it will always be home to me, but one can't stay at home forever - especially out of fear of the unknown. Though that's not what tying me here, and I don't believe in the basis of fear anyways. I'll admit I am tied back by something, though; tethered to this place by something I'm not willing to let go of. Not so much Omaha itself, or even the U.S. in general really, but the civilized world, the Western hemisphere..hell, the planet. Of course I feel strong connections to other people: my parents and family, my friends on some level (though admittedly not so much the friends in recent times, having deemed most of them less than truly trustworthy - but that's a story for another day), and of course my birthplace and home for the past 22 years, along with all the experiences that tie my past to this place. But again, the past is the past, and I'm ready to move on now. For some months now I've felt it, stronger every day until I'm downright antsy to quit wasting time and get on with the rest of my life.
As for the afore-mentioned singular element apart from all the others - the one that ties me to the world still in several ways - well, I know all the saying and unspoken rules about a man not throwing one's life away for a woman -- though silly as that sounds, there's some truth to it, as most things. In any case, it is what it is and I it matters little at this point whether or not this feeling was ever my conscious choice; instead, it is in fact a defined decision in my mind and I'm well aware of it. Thus, I'll act accordingly and do what I must(to the best of my ability and control) to take hold of this new part of my life, nurture it, and appreciate it. I'll love, perfect, and die with this element if I have my way - and I always get my way, mind you. This is certainly no exception, as I'll not take any substitute.
While I'm known to be a critical thinker who bases his serious idiologies in solid facts and even cold hard reality, I also strongly believe in clearly understanding out what one feels is best in their soul, so to speak, and doing what they can to shift their Fate in that direction if it's truly what they want. I see this as the only way to live my life, and would much rather die trying than live any other way. I see too much weakness, too much restraint in the people around me - mostly based in fear of the unknown and fear of change/new things - which is ridiculous to me, though I understand it to an extent.
Lead by example, not with words alone. I'll take this dream, and I'll have it by the end. This I promise myself. I doubt not, even if I falter, even against impossible odds, that I'll obtain that which I truly believe in. There's really no other way to utilize this life I've been given.
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| | Posted 10/27/2009 4:48 AM - 1 View - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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