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krybeli
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Name: Kry
Birthday: 6/16/1987
Gender: Male
Interests: Animation, movies, cartoons, role-playing...and a suspicious pattern of other assorted things that have little to nothing to do with reality. Thank God, too.
Expertise: Anymore, I find myself less and less appreciative of things around me..and honestly, I'm having trouble even determining if it's just me, or that there's little to appreciate anymore. This can't be the case, so obviously my perception of late or more than flawed.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Computers (Software)
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  HalosOverHearts
MSN: hentailuvr@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  halosoverhearts@yahoo.com
Member Since:
7/30/2003
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| Today..is the first day of the rest of the last of the best days of my life. I'm glad now that I decided long ago to keep large portions of my life under wraps for very specific reasons - mainly in the event of anything even half as retarded as this - so it's not AS embarrassing as it could be, but all things considered, it's definitely bad enough. Plus it has help from other, supplementally fucktarded elements of my existence right now. I'm surviving, not living. You know how the saying goes. Or not.
Either way, I am brutally disappointed while at the SAME time, always knew in my heart and saw it coming anyways, so (as several events in my past have proven) I have not and probably -will- not experience any significant moment of it "hitting me" now, in the past, or later on, as it was always hovering over my head in all-too-personal awareness as it was, so it's somehow not as big of a surprise. Regardless, the reality of this confirmation has me..well, is vexed a good word for it? Fuck it, I'm frankly pissed. But again, it's a dubbed-down, subtle kind of pissed, as most of my emotions are outside of the commonplace "happy-retarded-too-much-energy-and-weird-ideas" mood I'm know so well for trademarking.
Innn any case, I have, in hours just past, resolved to slingshot myself in another direction -- mentally, kind you, as I haven't the mean to actually take such action with my life goals. I feel a bit lost now, to be honest, as my backup plan was blurry despite having seen this all coming, as aforementioned. Major character flaw on my part, I suppose. Anyhow, back to the platter at hand..my newfound desire to eradicate each and every passing moment in my life from here on out with mind-numbing options I wouldn't before indulge in due to either attempting to straighten my own general demeanor for events to come (which, remember, didn't work out) or because I simple held back out of human-like hesitance. Now, I realize, I'm 22 years old, going nowhere any kind of fast suddenly as my momentum has been officially stifled, and I now plan to, quite simply put, cut loose a bit more. The answer is 'yes' - as you suspect, I do indeed refer to drugs, sex, further alcohol overindulgence, as well as a minor array of subtler elements, none of which are really worth mentioning, as I hope not to sound as though I'm attempting to look hardcore or sound brutally important with my meager agenda. Point in case is, in a nutshell: Shit I would hesitate to do before or was waiting for 'the right time' to do..is now on the menu immediately. Rules, boundaries, limitations..these have always pissed me off, as they do most, I'm sure, but bending these bounds is now far more appealing than ever before in my life. I see plenty of people around me getting away with all kinds of trash, and since I do indeed consider myself as skilled as them, if not more so in most cases, I see no reason I couldn;t do the same, but better. Petty, perhaps, but I'm not exactly feeling atop the world at the moment. Rather, I feel grounded to the world I once hoped to flee freely, but since that's no longer an easy possibility, I plan to at least damage what I can -while- I can. It's true; we're getting too old already. I can feel it. I'm perfectly aware that I'm still young, have my health, mind, and soul --- but isn't that even more a reason to do what I plan now? Maybe Nike was my hero in hiding all along: Just fucking do it.
...who the hell have my dumb ass a public e-journal anyways?
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| I'm ready to leave this place now - for real this time. I love it, and it will always be home to me, but one can't stay at home forever - especially out of fear of the unknown. Though that's not what tying me here, and I don't believe in the basis of fear anyways. I'll admit I am tied back by something, though; tethered to this place by something I'm not willing to let go of. Not so much Omaha itself, or even the U.S. in general really, but the civilized world, the Western hemisphere..hell, the planet. Of course I feel strong connections to other people: my parents and family, my friends on some level (though admittedly not so much the friends in recent times, having deemed most of them less than truly trustworthy - but that's a story for another day), and of course my birthplace and home for the past 22 years, along with all the experiences that tie my past to this place. But again, the past is the past, and I'm ready to move on now. For some months now I've felt it, stronger every day until I'm downright antsy to quit wasting time and get on with the rest of my life.
As for the afore-mentioned singular element apart from all the others - the one that ties me to the world still in several ways - well, I know all the saying and unspoken rules about a man not throwing one's life away for a woman -- though silly as that sounds, there's some truth to it, as most things. In any case, it is what it is and I it matters little at this point whether or not this feeling was ever my conscious choice; instead, it is in fact a defined decision in my mind and I'm well aware of it. Thus, I'll act accordingly and do what I must(to the best of my ability and control) to take hold of this new part of my life, nurture it, and appreciate it. I'll love, perfect, and die with this element if I have my way - and I always get my way, mind you. This is certainly no exception, as I'll not take any substitute.
While I'm known to be a critical thinker who bases his serious idiologies in solid facts and even cold hard reality, I also strongly believe in clearly understanding out what one feels is best in their soul, so to speak, and doing what they can to shift their Fate in that direction if it's truly what they want. I see this as the only way to live my life, and would much rather die trying than live any other way. I see too much weakness, too much restraint in the people around me - mostly based in fear of the unknown and fear of change/new things - which is ridiculous to me, though I understand it to an extent.
Lead by example, not with words alone. I'll take this dream, and I'll have it by the end. This I promise myself. I doubt not, even if I falter, even against impossible odds, that I'll obtain that which I truly believe in. There's really no other way to utilize this life I've been given.
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| I am a fly achieved upon corked wall, pin in my back, thousand-and-one eyes lifeless and hungering. I think I just gave myself an erection. | | |
| I fear I'm not as fun, cool, or artistic as I used to be a few years ago. It's like all this mandatory arte-raep is pulling the sound of my emotions around me into a single point of searing hot white light and resulting in little more than sheer rage, despite my original motives and/or good intentions. The sound of emotion enough to make me wanna hang myself from the rafter that's over my bed, but when I try to climb the ladder that's embedded in my heart, I start to question all of the emotion in my head. The sound of emotion enough to make me wanna hang myself from the rafter that's over my bed, but when I try to climb the ladder that's embedded in my heart, I start to question all of the emotion in my head. The sound of emotion enough to make me wanna hang myself from the rafter that's over my bed, but when I try to climb the ladder that's embedded in my heart, I start to question all of the emotion in my head. The sound of emotion enough to make me wanna hang myself from the rafter that's over my bed, but when I try to climb the ladder that's embedded in my heart, I start to question all of the emotion in my head. The sound of emotion enough to make me wanna hang myself from the rafter that's over my bed, but when I try to climb the ladder that's embedded in my heart, I start to question all of the emotion in my head. The sound of emotion enough to make me wanna hang myself from the rafter that's over my bed, but when I try to climb the ladder that's embedded in my heart, I start to question all of the emotion in my head. The sound of emotion enough to make me wanna hang myself from the rafter that's over my bed, but when I try to climb the ladder that's embedded in my heart, I start to question all of the emotion in my head. It's like I never left home in the first place.
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| Well Well Well...it's 9:56am, and I just finished watching what was possibly the greatest cartoon series of all time. Having downloaded the 2-hour series finale of Avatar: The Last Airbender after it was aired Saturday Night, I just now got around to watching it. :D Oh man, what a fucking great series..it was virtually flawless, packed with adventure, drama, even some romance and comedy. The characters are fantastically likable and the storyline is LEGENDARY-style awesome - I mean, can you believe it, a great American-made cartoon that aired on Nickelodeon of all things and -actually- had a great ending!? Holy shit, and it was FOUR seasons long! A CARTOON with a good storyline! On NICKEL-FUCKING-ODEON!? You've gotta be kidding me, I haven't felt this pleased with something I got done with since Final Fantasy VII's ending cinema faded out before my twelve-year-old eyes and changed my life, if only in small ways. All I could say was "Wow..what a great game." All I could say as the ending credits of Avatar rolled was "Wow, what a great cartoon...wait, what?" Ahh, I love it. I love life. Such simple and meaningful pleasures I get from a cartoon series, who'd have thunk? I didn't even know cartoon series could be that philosophical and clever, downright smart and educational, even, My God. Shows what I know..I have to go re-think my entire series now, seriously. How could anyone EVER top that? I can only hope...oh well, time to go waste more time now. Sleep is for losers.
And I still love you all. If you haven't seen Avatar, GO WATCH IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Watch it so hard. Forever. You'll never ever regret a single episode watched, I personally promise you. Now do it. :D
Muah~ <39473985749037
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.VERBATEM.
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